IM IN A BAD MOOD. THIS IS SO UNPRODUCTIVE. I HATE THIS!!

CHEWS MY HANDS OFf!!!!

scree
screeeee


thats it, thats the mood. let me go home. let me sleep for a week.

finally getting to enjoy all the shit i didn't realize at the time, but felt i didn't deserve for whatever bullshit reason.

someday I'll recognize a heavy depression spell when i'm actually inside it and get some goddamn help because these hindsight recognitions don't do me any good

good god i feel SO AWFUL about myself

it's like pain that hurts so sharp it feels cold and you're in shock so you just laugh like "REALLY???? REALLY THIS IS HAPPENING RIGHT NOW???? ARE YOU KIDDING"


it's exhausting more than anything

man, one thing i seriously didn't expect when i grew up was how much of life is momentum??

do not stop to think if you want to go to work today. think and you're dead. just keep moving get yourself dress keep moving get out the door keep moving roll through the day til it's time to leave...

I just kind of try not to ponder and keep rolling ahead to the night/weekend/vacation where I often just.... stop? I make plans to clean and make things nice but then I often don't even manage to like. Play a video game or anything, I just sort of collapse.



idk this might just be me being really bad at doing competent human things. I just know if I let myself stop, I fall into the exact same behaviors like every time and I just spent like 3 years in that state so??? I should be... not doing that for a while.

I FEEL REALLY WEIRD

( needed to get this out thats all )

why can't they just tell me

please!!

( my constant mental running commentary )

is it fall coming or what? i don't know!! but i hope it stops soon!!!!!